A couple of weeks ago I went for a smear test. It was my first time experiencing a smear test or anything of that nature and I wasn’t sure what to expect.
Recently, I’ve seen more awareness being raised about smear tests and the attempt to normalise them. People on YouTube and social media have been discussing their experiences, even taking the audience along with them through the process.
I had received the letter inviting me to book a while ago, but I’d kept putting it off. But after watching and reading so much about it, I felt it was time to be an adult, and book the test. It was daunting, as any new experience can be, but generally, I went in not particularly scared, having done my research. I was just keen to get it over with really.
So, in the name of honesty, I’d like to share my experience.
The nurse introduced herself as I entered the room, and she explained the procedure. She showed me the speculum and even let me feel the smear brush inside. I then ducked behind the curtain and stripped off from the waist down. I was wearing a dress that day (as I always do), so I only needed to take off my pants and tights.
She ran the speculum through some warm water to help with insertion, she said. She then began, and it was immediately painful. After a few seconds, I had to ask her to stop for a moment, so I could catch my breath.
I then nodded for her to continue. But the pain just got worse, my hands bunching the paper up at my sides, my face in a grimace. I had to shout for her to stop again. And this time I laid there for over a minute talking to myself.
I wanted to stop so badly. I genuinely didn’t think I could continue and wanted to say I couldn’t do it and just leave. Part of me though knew this was the easy way out, and if I could just hold on a little longer it would get it over with. If I just left now, I’d have to come back and go through it all over again.
But I couldn’t. I froze. I’ve never seriously believed I couldn’t do something before. A part of me now understands why women in labour sometimes say they “can’t do it”. I’d never fully related to that feeling, that my body just couldn’t do it, I didn’t believe it to be physically possible.
After another minute or so, I was conscious that I was just lying there, face bunched up, with a speculum half in, half out. I took another breath and without any more thought just said “OK”.
It continued and my mind went blank with the pain. A few minutes later it was over. I was crying, my heart pounding. The nurse apologised, as I quickly slipped my clothes back on and left.
I was shaking as I walked home. I had meant to run some errands, but I forgot all about them. Not thinking of anything except trying to hold the tears back in public and getting back to my house as soon as possible. As I walked through the door the sobs came out.
A few hours later, after curling up with some chocolate and Brooklyn 99 to cheer me up, the stomach pains began. I had read that some women sometimes feel like they’re on their period, and get period-like pains after the procedure. But this was different. Period pains for me are normally more ‘forward’, at the front of my stomach, where my uterus is, I suppose.
But this was a pain deep inside, radiating through me. I couldn’t stand up or sit down without wincing. I then realised I was bleeding.
While the pain had mostly subsided by the following day, the bleeding continued for about three or four days. It wasn’t until a week later that I felt back to normal.
I received the results in the post, saying the tests they’d ran came up negative. For half a second, I almost wanted something to have been wrong to make what I went through worth it. I am glad I know now everything is OK. I just wish it hadn’t required such a painful and, frankly traumatic, experience. The date of the letter for my next test is 2022, but I honestly don’t think I’ll be rushing back anytime soon.
Smear tests are important for our health and can – and literally, do – save lives. Please don’t let anything I said put you off if you haven’t had yours yet. Was my test incredibly painful, possibly the most pain I’d ever experienced? Yes. But I don’t regret going at all. All the pain in the world is worth it to stay alive and be healthy.
I just want you to know that everyone experiences smear tests differently, some people don’t hurt at all, maybe a little discomfort. Some have experiences like mine. Either way, it is one of those things that you have to do in life. The relief for it being over, and knowing everything is alright, is massive.
