The Challenge comes to an end, so have I broken up with my phone?
This is the last post in the How To Break Up With Your Phone series! I hope you have enjoyed following me along with the challenge. To wrap up how things have gone, I’m focusing on how this experience can lead to long term changes for my phone and I’s relationship going forward. So, how has breaking up with my phone gone? Let’s find out…
26: Check Your Checking
Whenever I notice myself reaching to check my phone, I ask myself these questions:
“What’s the best thing that could happen as a result of your checking? What’s the best email you could receive? The best piece of news? The best notification? What’s the best emotion that you could experience?”
Then, “What is the likelihood that this will actually happen?”
The chances are low. I’m more likely to be stressed, upset, or just plain distracted.
The more I ‘check yourself’ I’ve noticed others checking habits too. What do you see when others reach for their phone? How do you feel when your friend checks their phone during a conversation? For me it’s irritating, and I feel like they don’t want to spend time with me. If you don’t like it happening to you, then don’t do to them either.
27: Digital Sabbath Life Hacks
My detox went so well I now want to have a regular ‘Digital Sabbath’. But it’s not going to happen every weekend, as realistically that just isn’t sustainable! For now, I shall aim for one 24 hour period per month. I think having a committed time away from screens will be better for mental health. But not only that, it will likely leave me feeling refreshed and motivated to get back to work after having the break.
A Digital Sabbath is a personal experience. Sometimes it might not be possible to be away from all screens, so it is important to adapt it to a challenge you feel comfortable undertaking.
Some ideas to be prepared for regular digital detox’s are:
- Separate Your Devices: Smartphones are everything combined, but sometimes that pro can become a con. If you find yourself going to check the weather and finding yourself scrolling on Instagram, then it may be time to try and ‘separate’ what you use each device for. If you have more than one phone or a tablet, perhaps dedicate one to social media and the other to reading, or one for playing music and one for working on. Or if you need to delete certain apps from one device to ensure this works then go ahead.
- Return of the ‘House Phone’: Who actually has a house phone anymore? Now we have our own personal devices the landline is dying out. But the idea may not be worth throwing away just yet. Instead of recycling or selling your old phone, consider deleting all the internet-based apps, and using it as simply as a tool. Keep the calculator, timer, camera, and messaging but remove all other distractions.
- Airplane Mode: Airplane or Do Not Disturb mode can be used at any time, so make use of them! Try turning it on for an hour in the morning and see how much you can get done before the world comes calling. It can be quite a liberating feeling to have control over when you communicate with others. Instead of the phone being in control.
- Do Not Disturb: If you are doing this, then make sure to customise your settings so that if there is a phone call that’s urgent or you really can’t miss, it still comes through. You can set it so only certain numbers can ring, or if a number rings more than once. You can set a message to be sent out explaining what time you’ll be available or to try contacting you a different way.
- Download Ahead of Time: Anything you download ahead of time you should do so to reduce the amount of time on the phone waiting or browsing. For instance, you can download maps, TV shows and music and access them all offline.
- Experiment: Try out different variations of times, devices and habits to see what works for you.
28: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Sticking with it will be difficult. Designed to get us to use them more and more, to be hard to put down. So for this challenge to create long term change I need a plan. Price lists these seven habits as being a good starting point.
- Healthy Phone Routines: for routines to become habits these new behaviours need to feel like second nature. Make decisions ahead of time about how we want to act in certain situations. For instance, if going away for the day – do you want to use this as an opportunity to have a phast (phone fast)? If going on holiday, perhaps that’s a good time for a detox? Or even just reassessing your commute – can I use that time in a different way?
- Manners: Where do you keep your phone and how do you use it when you’re with other people? Perhaps this could even spark an interesting conversation the next time you’re out for a coffee with a friend. Shall we both agree to put away our phones for the next hour?
- Cut Yourself A Break: You’re going to slip up. You’re only human. If you find yourself slipping back into old scrolling habits, check-in with yourself. Why am I doing it? What am I trying to avoid?
- Phast: As I’ve mentioned earlier, a dedicated time away from your phone can be a good way of consciously choosing change.
- Have A Life: In order to spend less time doing one thing, it’s good to find another way of spending that time. Having other things to do besides using your phone/staring at screens can be good for your mental health. This is especially good when you can combine this with a personal goal e.g. learning a language, practising music, reading etc.
- Practice Pausing: Each time you get a moment, use it to take a breath and check-in with yourself. Not your phone notifications.
- Exercise Your Attention: Going back to earlier in the challenge, we need to re-strengthen our attention spans. To do this we can think of it as a muscle to exercise regularly to keep our brains in shape.
29: Keep Yourself on Track
It’s almost the end of the challenge, and I’m on the way to an official ‘break-up’ with my phone. To keep on track, I’m going to put some notes in my calendar to regularly remind myself to check-in with myself and my screen habits.
A monthly reminder should be sufficient, and each month I’m going to ask myself a few questions: Have I installed any apps lately? Are they really benefitting me? Have I noticed I’m spending more time on my phone at certain times of the day? What could I be doing instead? What do I want to focus on this month that I could use this time on wisely?
Day 30: Congratulations
Woohoo! I’ve made it to the end. It’s been a long road, but I’ve finally completed the challenge. The break up is official and my new relationship begins today. I have a whole new perspective on myself and my phone use.
I have to admit, this challenge has been a lot harder than I expected. I’ve struggled to write up my experiences which I think shows with how it took me three months to get through! For me, I needed more time and 30 days felt too fast. This challenge is such a personal experience. Someone who tries it may find it possible to do in a few weeks, others (like me) might take a few months.
What started as a breakup, ended with a breakthrough.
For this to create long-term, sustainable change, I had to reevaluate almost every part of my life. Things have definitely changed for the better and my screen time is decreasing week on week. I now feel like I am in control of my screen use. My will power and attention span are strengthening. Fingers crossed this is the start to a new way of being for me, I may check in again later (e.g. in six months or a year) to let you know how things are going.
If you take anything away from this challenge it is that it is possible to still love and use your phone but in a healthier way. A complete detox or extreme change wasn’t going to work for me. Instead, I have changed the way I use it, rather than stop using it altogether. I hope I’ve inspired you to reassess for yourselves.
